


In-Depth Details on the Spider Bake Sale

by ArgentDandelion



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Manufacturing, Beverages, Biology, Chemistry, Food, Gen, Humor, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Industries of the Underground, Nonfiction, Science, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-09-07 21:17:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20316163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArgentDandelion/pseuds/ArgentDandelion
Summary: This work answers three questions: "What do Muffet's baked goods taste like?", "Is Spider Cider manufacturing practical?", and "Can Muffet go to jail for intoxicating a minor?"





	1. What Do Muffet's Baked Goods Taste Like?

**Author's Note:**

> Made by merging two related articles into a multi-chapter work.

Muffet’s spider goods are definitely made of spider meat; the spider cider description says: “Made of whole spiders, not just the juice”. But what does it taste like?

Tarantulas are big spiders with enough meat to be worth eating, which might make for a valid comparison with Muffet’s spiders. If so, then Muffet’s spiders would likely taste [like chicken, cod](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FFried_spider&t=YzZmNTNlZjIyNWI2NzhhMjllZjVmMWJiODkxODFkYmJkMzZmZDBhNixBWjBhMXU3cg%3D%3D&b=t%3AHZZTbr56CX-Pu8cYzedJTw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fargentdandelion.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179125050036%2Fwhat-do-muffets-baked-goods-taste-like&m=1), or [shrimp](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FGoliath_birdeater&t=ZTVlNDVkMTg5YzQ1YmIwMTg0MzkzMTNhZTgxYWEzNWNiZjVjYTJhZSxBWjBhMXU3cg%3D%3D&b=t%3AHZZTbr56CX-Pu8cYzedJTw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fargentdandelion.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179125050036%2Fwhat-do-muffets-baked-goods-taste-like&m=1). If Muffet’s spiders are more like crickets or mealworms (two of the most commonly bred land arthropods), they would taste a little like nuts. Spider cider tasting nutty isn’t that implausible: people do drink various nut milks (e.g., almond milks) and [nut liqueurs](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FList_of_liqueurs%23Nut-flavored_liqueurs&t=YTg5MWMwNDVjZGJmMTgyMGNiMmFjZDc1NDExOTAxYzEyZDlhOTUzMSxBWjBhMXU3cg%3D%3D&b=t%3AHZZTbr56CX-Pu8cYzedJTw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fargentdandelion.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179125050036%2Fwhat-do-muffets-baked-goods-taste-like&m=1).

Nutty-tasting baked goods make more sense than meat-flavored ones[1](https://argentdandelion.tumblr.com/post/179125050036/what-do-muffets-baked-goods-taste-like#fn:1), but, as they are spiders, it’s more logical to assume they taste like chicken or shrimp.

If they do have a strong meaty taste, this isn’t necessarily a problem. The meat of younger birds and mammals may taste different and weaker from that of older animals; if this principle holds for Muffet’s spiders, she might use only the younger ones.

It’s also possible they were specially bred to have a different taste or blander flavor than their wild counterparts. After all, wild turkeys and heritage-breed chickens taste different from domestic turkeys and chickens.

Even if the spiders had a strong taste, the spiders aren’t being eaten raw: they’re processed first. Though how much processing the ingredients undergo is unknown, if they’re like tuna, they could be [pre-cooked](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fnchfp.uga.edu%2Fhow%2Fcan_05%2Ftuna.html&t=MWUyZjA2ZGY3MTIyZWJhYWZmZDRlYjAzNjkzODI1OWNmZjJlNzIwNyxBWjBhMXU3cg%3D%3D&b=t%3AHZZTbr56CX-Pu8cYzedJTw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fargentdandelion.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179125050036%2Fwhat-do-muffets-baked-goods-taste-like&m=1) (such as by [steam-baking](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bumblebee.com%2Fabout-us%2Fseafood-school%2Ftuna-school%2Fprocess%2F&t=ZjQ5ZGIzNzgyZDdhNjVhYmY1ZDBlY2ViNjI3YzUxOTg2OGFmNzFiNCxBWjBhMXU3cg%3D%3D&b=t%3AHZZTbr56CX-Pu8cYzedJTw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fargentdandelion.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179125050036%2Fwhat-do-muffets-baked-goods-taste-like&m=1)) and have flavorful components removed before being put into food.

Based on [shrimp chip](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FPrawn_cracker&t=NDc0M2Y5OTMyZjgxNzVlZWJjMjRmZTRkYjMwM2NlZTg1ZDgwNTY1YyxBWjBhMXU3cg%3D%3D&b=t%3AHZZTbr56CX-Pu8cYzedJTw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fargentdandelion.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179125050036%2Fwhat-do-muffets-baked-goods-taste-like&m=1) manufacturing, the most logical way to produce spider cider is to kill spiders, remove some toxic, especially foul-tasting or very inedible parts if they exist, dry them and possibly remove flavors, pulverize them into a powder, and then add the powder to cider. Spider donuts would logically be like regular donut manufacture, but with spider cider added to the batter, as the description says.

**For more like this, see:**  
[Known Livestock of the Underground: Spiders](http://argentdandelion.tumblr.com/post/177498348951/known-livestock-of-the-underground-spiders)

* * *

  1. Though there are several exceptions: while donuts don’t contain meat, pastries in general [can](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FList_of_pastries&t=Nzk3ZDg2NWIzNDk2YzBjNjJkMzkxMjlhNzBjYzljOWNkMTVhZjk1YSxBWjBhMXU3cg%3D%3D&b=t%3AHZZTbr56CX-Pu8cYzedJTw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fargentdandelion.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179125050036%2Fwhat-do-muffets-baked-goods-taste-like&m=1). [↩︎](https://argentdandelion.tumblr.com/post/179125050036/what-do-muffets-baked-goods-taste-like#fnref:1)


	2. Potential Legal Problems (and Solutions) of the Spider Bake Sale

**(The following article is about the impracticalities of making alcohol from spiders, and how magic spiders can avoid accidental intoxication of minors. If that disturbs the reader, the author suggests skipping this article.)**

Is Spider Cider an alcoholic beverage? Can people (e.g., Frisk) get drunk off it? What about spider donuts?

Short answer: probably not, and people better keep a close eye on the composition of their vanilla extract.

##  **Spider Cider**

**Licensing and Marketing**

(The article shall assume spider cider is made from just spiders and water, without any additives or flavorings.)

Firstly, while “cider” refers to an alcoholic beverage, it can also refer to a non-alcoholic beverage. In the United States and parts of Canada, apple cider (sometimes just called “cider”) is the term used for an unfiltered, unsweetened non-alcoholic beverage made from apples. The line “Not monitored by the USDA” in Vegetoid’s battle text suggests Mt. Ebott is in America/some equivalent fictional country. So it’s it’s possible Spider Cider is based on “soft” (non-alcoholic) cider, rather than hard cider. (Alternatively, “spider cider” is, in-universe, a somewhat misleading marketing term: “Chunky Monkey”-flavored ice cream isn’t made from monkeys.)

Furthermore, selling alcohol often requires an alcohol vendor’s license. Muffet’s goal is to reunite the spider clans quickly through bake sales; the fact she gives no gold upon dying suggests her funds are low. (And also somewhat explains the high price of her goods) The setup of her bake sale is something like an actual bake sale or lemonade stand, which doesn’t match with selling alcohol.

There’s another hint: the very fact Frisk can purchase Spider Cider at all. If the spiders operating the bake sales are spider monsters, they should be able to tell Frisk is a child by their striped shirt (stripes are apparently worn exclusively by children in monster culture). If the spiders operating the Ruins bake sale are, instead, carefully trained regular spiders, it should nonetheless be possible to train them not to give cider or donuts anyone wearing a striped shirt. After all, some spiders (e.g., jumping spiders) have good vision.

**Production Problems**

Alcoholic beverages are generally made by growing yeast in a high-sugar medium. Often, this is some kind of fruit, or grains fermented to break down starch into simple sugars. However, assuming Muffet’s spiders are regular (if very large) spiders, and not spider-monsters (who turn into dust when they die) or hypothetical magic livestock, their bodies wouldn’t be high in sugar.

Even if the spider bodies were fermented to break down any fats in their bodies into glucose (a kind of sugar), it would be deeply impractical and, in the end, yield very little alcohol. While making spider cider from spider “blood” (hemolymph) or concentrated spider “juices” (e.g., liquids containing sugars) would be slightly more practical, this is impossible. The Spider Cider description, after all, says “made from whole spiders, not just the juice”.

The most practical way to create spider-based beverages, again assuming actual (very large) spiders, is to remove poison and distasteful glands from spiders, bake spiders, grind up the dry spiders into a powder and then place in water. (with or without sweeteners) As actual apple cider is very cloudy since it’s unfiltered, the resulting beverage might be similarly brownish and cloudy, hence the name.

* * *

## Spider Donuts

It better not be vanilla-flavored.

**What About Spider Donuts?**

Spider cider is put into the batter of spider donuts. If spider donuts are made from standard donut batter with spider cider mixed in, then it is impossible for Frisk to get intoxicated.

Therefore, it is legal for spiders to sell donuts to children.

** _Variant: Vanilla Extract Conundrum_ **

However, depending on the flavor of the donuts, it technically possible for Frisk to get drunk on the donuts…just very unlikely. Flavor extracts (such as vanilla) are made using alcohol. Vanilla extract itself, while a tiny bottle, is rather high in alcohol. Though it’s long been said alcohol in cooked foods is safe for minors to consume, since it burns off in cooking, but this isn’t quite true.

Assuming a baking time of 17 minutes (based on a donut recipe that showed up on Google), the amount of alcohol left would be roughly 38% of the original amount. However, flavor extracts are normally used sparingly in foods; dumping the whole bottle’s worth into one donut would be excessive (and cost-ineffective).

Furthermore, even if an unusually high amount of vanilla-extract-based-alcohol was in the donuts, actual metabolized alcohol would be low, since it was eaten with something. However, that’s assuming physical food. Monster food turns immediately to energy when consumed.

It is possible Frisk could just keep eating vanilla donuts indefinitely until becoming intoxicated. Thus, spiders at spider bake sales would be responsible for intoxicating a minor and get in massive trouble, and so it wouldn’t be legal for spiders to sell donuts to children.

There is one saving grace, though: nobody throws away vanilla extract, and it would be basically impossible for raw vanilla beans to end up underground and get cultivated. While vanillin, the primary component of vanilla, can be synthesized from lignin (i.e., sawdust from Snowdin pines); it’s possible to substitute alcohol as a carrier for vanilla extract with glycerin.   
So, just in case magic spiders thought accidental intoxication was a concern, they could just use glycerin.

Therefore, it would be legal for spiders to sell donuts to children.


End file.
